Handy hints.

Starting the car.

If the car will not start:-

  • Squirt 3/4 of a can of Easy Start into the carburettor(s).
  • If it still won’t start squirt the remainder of the can into your handkerchief and inhale.
  • When you awake, ring James Baxter.
  • Eat cake.

Checking the tyres.

Walk round the car.

There should be a tyre at each corner.

Checking the oil.

If it’s before 1935 or a Lotus or a Triumph and it’s leaking oil it has plenty in. If it isn’t leaking oil it’s empty.

If it starts with a rattling noise it is either empty or your soup flask isn’t fixed properly (see below).

Fire extinguisher.

Do not unclip your fire extinguisher and replace it with your soup flask until after scrutineering.

Event preparation.

Short events – go to the loo for number one’s.

Long events – go to the loo for number two’s.

Event equipment.

Racewear and helmet.

Table, chairs, table cloth, cups plates and cake.

Sarnies, cake, electric kettle and generator (we’re not going to pay £ 1.50 for a cup of hot water).

Yorkshire and Girl Grey tea bags and cake.

Can of Easy Start.

Handkerchief.

Mobile ‘phone.

Cake.

Clothing: Off- track.

Clothing should generally be worn off-track. However the total lack of clothing will provide much amusement for other competitors but in these circumstances you should avoid the use of power tools.

Clothing: Vintage trialling – Open cars.

Full-length vintage car coats look the part but when it rains a large puddle can accumulate in your lap and this will rapidly drain  to your nether region at a crucial moment leading to a disruption of concentration.

Short jackets will drain directly onto your nether region in a much more controlled manner but with nevertheless a significant level of discomfort.

This is why all open-car vintage triallists wear rubber or pvc underwear. This is obtainable from any fetish shop. To obtain the location of your nearest fetish shop ask any open-car vintage triallist or the competitions department of VSCC.

Clothing: Vintage trialling closed cars.

Get a life!